Mixed blessings

A few years ago, when my lifelong dream was crushed, I learned the importance of finding blessings from other things in my life.

Saturday night was very heartfelt for me.  It was also very hopeful.  We went to a friend’s house for “poker” night  (the guys played poker while the ladies conversed and held babies).  I met some wonderful ladies and saw more hope in achieving my dreams.

I really want to be a mom.

It’s been given to God.  I have no control over my infertility anyhow.  I’m seriously trying to figure out how to raise the funds to do IVF again.  Perhaps the new doctor will want us to try IUIs first (again) then we will be successful.

The downside is there is so much against me.  My age, my infertility…  I can’t think about those things.  I have to remind myself that there are other women older than me having babies.

I like my life.  I like being able to go out whenever I want and not need to find a babysitter (no family nearby).  I don’t have to worry about changing diapers, buying formula, paying extra bills, or extra stressful responsibilities.  Having a baby is a life-changer.

I still want to be a mom.

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