Yes, my weight. It’s been slowly creeping to where I don’t want to go. I promised myself I would never leave “One”derland and I intend to keep that promise. That being said, I find myself adding to the number of pounds I want to lose. A few weeks ago, it was 40lbs to goal. Now it’s more like 50-60lbs. I cannot keep doing this. I know why I eat. Part of it is boredom; part is hormonal. I’ve spent numerous hours determining my exact issue and that is all I can come up with.
Exercise is not an issue. The hand to mouth is my issue. My brain is my issue. I keep thinking there is a magic formula out there. Wait, there is! It’s called “Less Calories In + Exercise = Weight Loss”. Yeah. Now, will my brain catch up and understand this? Like today? Yeah, I didn’t think so. It’s very discouraging. The worst part is that my body is not like anyone else’s. I have several things against me: PCOS, low-energy levels, insomnia, and gastric bypass. PCOS, or poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, was often misdiagnosed and therefore left untreated for many years. It wasn’t until 2008 that a doctor finally put that down in my medical chart. It sort of went like this:
Dr. L: You have Poly-cystic ovarian syndrome.
Me: Yes, I know.
Dr. L: Why isn’t it in your medical history? (Apparently, he took the time to fully ready my 1000+ page chart as he was holding my history from birth.)
Me: I’ve been telling every doctor I’ve seen for the last 15 years that I have all the symptoms of it but nobody listens to me (story of my life). They think they know my body better.
Dr. L: I’m listening and I hear you. It’s now official, so let’s get you treated.
Me: Thank you.
But by the time this conversation came about, my fertility was pretty well shot. That’s for another blog though.
I could spend hours in a gym and I love to run. One of the issues is that I run out of energy within 20 minutes and all I want to do is sleep. Like right now. I’m typing this and have been at it for about 20-25 minutes and I feel my eyelids closing. I have to go to work so no sleeping is allowed!
I made an appointment to see a shrink about my food issues. My husband threw a fit so I cancelled the appointment. He doesn’t think I need help in dealing with the mental aspects of weight loss. It’s very frustrating.