Up, up, and then down

Yes, my weight.  It’s been slowly creeping to where I don’t want to go.  I promised myself I would never leave “One”derland and I intend to keep that promise.  That being said, I find myself adding to the number of pounds I want to lose.  A few weeks ago, it was 40lbs to goal.  Now it’s more like 50-60lbs.  I cannot keep doing this.  I know why I eat.  Part of it is boredom; part is hormonal.  I’ve spent numerous hours determining my exact issue and that is all I can come up with.

Exercise is not an issue.  The hand to mouth is my issue.  My brain is my issue.  I keep thinking there is a magic formula out there.  Wait, there is!  It’s called “Less Calories In + Exercise = Weight Loss”.  Yeah.  Now, will my brain catch up and understand this?  Like today?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  It’s very discouraging.  The worst part is that my body is not like anyone else’s.  I have several things against me:  PCOS, low-energy levels, insomnia, and gastric bypass.  PCOS, or poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, was often misdiagnosed and therefore left untreated for many years.  It wasn’t until 2008 that a doctor finally put that down in my medical chart.  It sort of went like this:

Dr. L:  You have Poly-cystic ovarian syndrome.

Me:  Yes, I know.

Dr. L:  Why isn’t it in your medical history? (Apparently, he took the time to fully ready my 1000+ page chart as he was holding my history from birth.)

Me:  I’ve been telling every doctor I’ve seen for the last 15 years that I have all the symptoms of it but nobody listens to me (story of my life).  They think they know my body better.

Dr. L:  I’m listening and I hear you.  It’s now official, so let’s get you treated.

Me:  Thank you.

But by the time this conversation came about, my fertility was pretty well shot.  That’s for another blog though.

I could spend hours in a gym and I love to run.  One of the issues is that I run out of energy within 20 minutes and all I want to do is sleep.  Like right now.  I’m typing this and have been at it for about 20-25 minutes and I feel my eyelids closing.  I have to go to work so no sleeping is allowed!

I made an appointment to see a shrink about my food issues.  My husband threw a fit so I cancelled the appointment.  He doesn’t think I need help in dealing with the mental aspects of weight loss.  It’s very frustrating.

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