I awoke to darkness, with tears dried upon my face. My pillow was stained from the long bout; fresh tears did not avail often but when they did, they left my body exhausted and aching. I felt someone in the room and rolled over. Tony was sitting in a chair by the window. I wasn’t sure if he was asleep or silently watching me.
“Hi,” he whispered softly. In a blink of an eye, he was by my side. I felt the warmth of his body as he wrapped his arms around me. All I could do was crumble in his embrace. My body was wracked with sobs; I felt safe in his arms. This was my refuge and harbor. I could face anything as long as Tony was by my side. He held me and stroked my hair. I couldn’t move. I was gasping for air, requiring him to grab my inhaler.
“Sssshhhh… Baby, it’s ok. Relax, breathe. I need you to breathe, love.” He cooed in my ear. He kissed my ear and neck, down to my exposed shoulder. His kisses started a fire in my body, one that was difficult to extinguish.
“We can’t. It’s not right,” I stammered. I was not comfortable with idea of making love to Tony with all that was happening. It was not the most ideal time; the alarm I set for David went off, indicating I needed to remove myself from the cocoon of Tony’s body.
Tony was my lover; David was my incapacitated husband.