As I celebrate my 43rd birthday, I reflect on the days gone by. I have lived so much, done so much, yet never quite enough. I sit back and watch my young daughter playing and think about how grateful I am that I can keep up with her. If I had given birth to her 15 years ago, I would not have the same opportunities I have now with her. My physical body was quite different back then; I was not the happy, healthy person you see before you. Instead, I was this gigantic beast of a tiny woman. I weighed over 300 lbs. The turning point in my life was in 2003, when I was told I was headed to the grave. I could not leave my child without her mother! I had made the difficult decision back then to go under the knife – gastric bypass surgery. What I didn’t understand about this operation is that it was only a tool.
The surgery helped me to get my weight down below 160 pounds. After marriage, I gained about 70lbs back. I wasn’t as fat as I once was but I still wasn’t happy with my body. Giving up the foods I loved would prove crucial to my weight-loss success as well as change the way I viewed myself as a person. I didn’t like myself, let alone love myself when I weighed over 200lbs. I was obsessed with Hollywood’s imagery and feeling the mental angst of being unable to achieve my dreams. I knew that focusing would eventually pay off for me. Now my weight is at a healthy, normal level and I can do things I couldn’t do before!
Here’s the caveat: I have achieved most of my dreams! It’s been a long road of ups and downs but I have a beautiful family now and my bucket list of activities has dwindled down. Please, let me reflected on all that I have done in the last three years; I’ve been all over the world, gave birth to a beautiful little girl, ran a marathon, and auditioned for a major movie. That’s quite a few accomplishments!
The old saying goes: If only I knew then what I know now. I don’t wish for my old self. I just wish I had done it sooner.
This post was prompted by today’s Daily Post prompt.